“But….I Can’t!”
The word ‘but’ has only three letters, but is has a significant effect in directing our attention and behaviour.
It’s also one of the most commonly used words people use to stop themselves doing something. This is because the word ‘but’ deletes from our attention the part of the sentence before it, and directs our attention to the part of the sentence after it.
Take this example-
“I really want to paddle grade 3, but I’m just not confident.”
It uses this common structure-
“Positive statement……BUT…..Negative Statement”
We make a positive statement about something we want (“I really want to paddle grade 3″) , we then use the word ‘but’, then we make a negative statement giving a reason why we can’t do it (“I’m just not confident”). Now, as the word ‘but’ in effect deletes the first half of the sentence, this is what we hear-
“I really want to paddle grade 3, but I’m just not confident!”
-and this is what we base our behaviour on.
Many sports psychologists know this, and have learned that the word ‘but’ can be replaced with the word ‘and’. This can work, especially when giving feedback. For example, if a coach gives the following feedback,
“You controlled the edge of the boat well, but you lost your boat angle in the flow. Next time work on this.”
The student will often unconsciously delete the first part of the sentence and miss the praise, and only hear the second half-
“You controlled the edge of the boat well, but you lost your boat angle in the flow! Next time work on this!”
However, by replacing ‘but’ with ‘and’ the whole sentence is perceived more positively -
“You controlled the edge of the boat well and you lost your boat angle in the flow. Next time work on this”.
BUT, how does this change our original sentence? Now it becomes,
“I really want to paddle grade 3, and I’m just not confident.”
Well, the ‘but’ has gone, but the use of the word ‘and’ doesn’t really add much. So let’s go back to the word ‘but’, and think about how it can be used to our advantage.
At the moment, the sentence is structured-
“Positive statement……BUT…..Negative Statement”
If the word ‘but’ deletes the part of the sentence before it, what happens if we change the order of the statements within the sentence? If we put the negative statement before the ‘but’, and the positive statement after it, we can change which part of the sentence gets deleted. The sentence would now be structured-
“Negative statement……BUT…..Positive Statement”
So now, our sentence becomes,
“I’m just not confident, but I really want to paddle grade 3!”
Suddenly, the whole sentence has a different emphasis. And smart coaches can use this structure to empower their students. So if you have students who doubt their abililty, listen out for ‘but’ sentences when talking to them and reverse them!
The conversation might go something like this -
(Coach) “So we’re going to paddle a new river today, I think you’re ready for a new challenge. What would you like to do?”
(Student) “I really want to paddle grade 3, but I’m just not confident. ”
(Coach) “So, you’re not confident yet, but you really want to paddle grade 3!”
(Student) “mmmm, yes.”
(Coach) “OK, let’s go and do River X (insert your local grade 3 river here!)”.
For more information or training in how to use NLP in your coaching please contact me at Kim@kimbull.co.uk
Open canoe, sea kayak and white water courses and coaching, 1:1 and group workshops, BCU Training and Assessments in Northumberland and the North East.